We had a second ultrasound which confirmed the anencephaly two weeks after the first one. I think from the beginning I knew I could not go through with "termination." My husband was trying to be very supportive and kept telling me it was my decision and he would be there no matter what. All I could think about was horror stories of partial birth abortions. We were told if we did decide to terminate the hospitals in the area would not do it and we'd have to go to a clinic out of state. We were told there was no additional risk for me to continue the pregnancy. My ob told us if we did continue, we would just keep appointments like regular. She stated if I did go into early labor, they would do nothing to stop it. She told us she would continue to monitor me and make sure everything was okay with me.
There were so many emotions and questions in those first few days and weeks. I just kept thinking the doctors had to be wrong because I don't smoke or drink and I wasn't taking any medications. I kept trying to remember if I had been taking my prenatal vitamins religiously for the three months before I got pregnant. I don't know that I did. I feel so horrible about that, because maybe if I had this wouldn't have happened.
Anyways, before we even had the ultrasound I told my husband that I couldn't terminate. I couldn't be the one to decide when our baby would die. I felt like we had to leave it all up to God. He agreed and was 100% on board. We told our family and friends and I am happy to say that we didn't hear one negative from anyone about our decision. I could only imagine how hard it was going to be to continue feeling our sweet baby, whom we named Gabriel Lee, growing and moving in my belly only to know he wouldn't be with us long after he was born.
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